I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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