we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
