I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
