You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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