Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
