I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
