he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
