where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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