Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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