I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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