he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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