I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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