Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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