I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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