You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
