Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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