yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
