I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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