I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
