there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
