I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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