If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
