Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
