I CAN MOONWALK!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
that is very illegal...i love you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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