apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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