i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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