brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Congratulations! We have a period
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