I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
