spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need moral support for this bender
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
