hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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