i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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