The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
