dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
