I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
