I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
