question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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