Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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