im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
