We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
