A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.