My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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