do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
