what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
