He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
