the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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