just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
