she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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