Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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