Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
