then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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