So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
