I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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