I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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