he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
