He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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