You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
