I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
