i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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