Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
